I Pity The Fool

It’s 6:08 PM and I’ve succeeded in wasting approximately 6.5 of the 7.5 hours I’ve been awake today.  I’m not counting "cooking brunch" and "running errands" as wasted time because

• I have to eat
• I need to know what time it is (got a new battery for my "work" watch, FINALLY, after 2 weeks of wearing a different one that needs to be wound 2-3x daily)
• and there was a desperate houseplant wasting away (Why can you only measure Miracle Gro with respect to gallons of water?  The convalescent is in a flowerpot the size of a soup container.), which had been a gift.

But then again, there’s really no excuse for my behavior, other than the fact that it sucks to be in the twilight zone between academia and the working world, where there is no such thing as free time unless it’s at the expense of some other activity (generally one with a deadline)…

ANYWAY, I have a proposition to make.  No, not that kind of proposition, you filthy-minded hooligans.  I think of myself as only quasi-media-savvy, perhaps analogous to a kind of super-intelligent monkey.  I’ve heard the names of a lot of "cool" bands and novelists-of-the-moment, but never seem to have the time to check all of them out in depth.  Although I am by no means into media snobbery (that paradoxical state of being whereby the hip individual can’t decide if s/he wants the loved item to become successful, vs. concealing its potential because it won’t be cool anymore once it’s appreciated by the hoi palloi), I’d like to invite you all to share info about some of your newfound underground material.  What do you like?  Why?  Honest opinions based on the actual perceived quality, please, as opposed to stuff you only like because you think you’re supposed to. ;)  Also, it’s okay if it’s something you heard on pop radio, or a bestseller you bought at the library for 25cents: mainstream does not necessarily equal lame, and indie or underground does not necessarily equal superior (hey, I admire some artists for keepin’-it-real but let’s face it, some things are off-the-beaten-track because, however highly overrated by the hipster cognoscenti, they couldn’t make it elsewhere).

So let’s all share together, shall we?  If I were a more technically advanced blogger, I’d set up a separate section for this.  But unless someone wants totell me in painfully clear detail how to do it, we’ll just have to settle for including it as comments.

I’ll start, anyway.  After hearing an interview segment on NPR, I was beguiled enough to buy a copy of "Tree City" by Robbers on High Street.  After surviving fumbling on behalf of the USPS, it finally arrived a month later.  I didn’t even remember what it would sound like, but I popped it into the player and began to enjoy.  I definitely recommend it, and it’s not just because the chorus of the first track (Spanish Teeth) goes "How long…can this go on?" and became the theme song for my job.

So that’s that.

Allow me to also recommend a Korean girls’ school suspense flick, entitled "Memento Mori."  Very weird, a slightly disappointing ending, but otherwise interesting and worth a rental if you’re into that sort of thing.  Also, it’s apparently the second part of a trilogy and I’m wondering if anyone has seen the other two parts?

Lastly, this is from an e-mail I sent earlier:

On Mon, 12 Sep 2005 13:56:14 GMT, "WNYC Sound Affects"
<listenerservices@wnyc.org> said:
> WNYC SOUND AFFECTS
> Bringing WNYC, New York Public Radio to a growing, diverse
> audience.
>
> JAZZ FOR ALL
> There’s a new initiative designed to jazz up school. It’s a
> web-based, multimedia curriculum, available free to high-school
> teachers. The curriculum explores jazz as an indigenous American
> art form and a means to understand American history. Hear all
> about it.
>
> Wednesday, September 14 at 2pm, 93.9 FM
> >> on Soundcheck
>    http://www.publicradiomail.org/ct/m7aCRyS1hRXx/
>

It sounds like a cool idea; I was at work, of course, so I didn’t hear the program (yet), but it’s accessible online.  The above link may not work, but if you’re interested, you can try this one:
http://www.wnyc.org/shows/soundcheck/episodes/09142005
It doesn’t say anything about the jazz segment, but presumably it’s in there.

Also, apparently the same show questions whether it’s too early for 90s nostalgia.  I thought VH1 already answered that question with an emphatic NO (they already made two "I Love the 90s" series)…You know what I’m nostalgic for?  Five minutes ago.  That was great.  Although, five minutes ago?  That’s SO five minutes ago…

So this post actually turned out to be a lot longer than I intially planned, but if you’re still reading, that’s cool.  Post a comment (sorry you have to sign in for that- if for some reason it bumps you over to your own home page, just click on the back arrow and it should work) and tell us all about something cool you’ve seen/heard/eaten/whatever lately.  I promise, not too many people read this blog, so don’t be afraid that your jealously guarded secret will hit the mainstream anytime soon.

Go for it!

I may have given you the impression that I am just a total complainer.  To be honest, I’ve actually been somewhat incommunicado with friends of late, due to the fact that I am actually really tired of only having negative things to talk about.  I’m even complaining about the fact that I’ve been complaining!

Anyway, I think that unless you’re someone who works with me or wants to, you must be just as sick of hearing about GodzillaBoss as I am of talking about him.  So this is probably going to be the last entry mentioning him for awhile.  To make a long story short, he’s still crazy (just for example, he considers his nearly $200K salary to be "pro bono", despite the fact that I make about 7% of that; also he bought tickets to Egypt but wouldn’t tell anyone when he was going…then he never went…but he comped them, of course), but seems to have been temporarily beaten at his own game.  My boss may be a wuss, but I guess he knows his tricks.  It didn’t hurt at ALL that both my and C.’s training director cae in yesterday and laid down a little of the proverbial law.

Things may be looking up a bit.  I have a couple of patients, who will hopefully become regulars.  I still don’t have a real workspace or anywhere I even feel safe leaving my white-out, but in theory that may change by Oct. 1.  Also, the potential 8 hours/week of mindless data entry seem to have become 2 hours/week, plus three more hours of activity that may or may not have clinical value.  But it’s a start.  And GodzillaBoss has to know that if I’m going to stay there, he’s not going to exploit me.

You know, I honestly planned on writing this in some more amusing or clever way, but it’s not really worth more of our time.  Seriously: end of story.

To change the subject, I’d like to encourage you to take a little pinko action.  I sent out an e-mail today regarding the horrific circumstances down south, which are essentially like the set-up for a zombie movie.  I urged my friends to not just sit on their duffs, but to take action.  It doesn’t just stop with sending a few hard-earned bucks to the Red Cross and hoping it goes to good use. 

First of all, vote.  It’s your constitutional right, at least for now.  Even if there aren’t any big races you can influence this year, and even though Bush is already a second termer, allow me to remind you that he needs Congress to enact his heinous legislation.  Vote them out as soon as possible.  And in the meantime, you can support organizations and lobby groups who are fighting the good fight.  Let’s start simple- you don’t have to send any money, just spend 2 minutes on a little website.

The Administration may still be denying the existence of global warming.  Do you agree with them?  Hmm…if not, like for example if you think maybe the hurricanes are NOT divine retribution (or at least not for Mardi Gras), go to this link:

http://www.stopglobalwarming.org/campaigns/sgw/impact/c95187914bd5fdd40b18d358d318ac90/

My supervisor/boss came back from his vacation on August 31. C. and I had spent some time over the previous couple of weeks discussing how to best bring up our numerous concerns about the internship, without seeming like we were ganging up on him, or giving off the impression of being “difficult.”  Part of the issue is that we like our boss very much as a person: he is pleasant to work with, lenient about office hours/days off, and generally a kind human being.  He has many years of experience as the director of the Child OPD, among other things, and is a seasoned clinician, yet has demonstrated interest in the thoughts and impressions of even the newest team members (i.e., us).  What our boss is not terrifically experienced at is administration and program development. 

But I digress. 

The discussion we had with him that morning was encouraging.  My supervisor, ever the indefatigable optimist, seemed to think things would change in the next couple of weeks: an unprecedented influx of clientele; a gradual easing of tensions as GodzillaBoss perhaps became distracted by other matters; a clearer raison d’etre for our own little operation.  I certainly hoped so.  My thought was, “So now, we’ll just have to spend the next 10 months continuing to dodge GodzillaBoss whenever he’s not in Hawaii.  But otherwise, we’ll be okay, right? Right?”

That was almost two weeks ago.  In the meantime, I’ve doubled my clinical hours: however, this just means going from two to four and is hardly something to celebrate.  GodzillaBoss’s attention has indeed been largely diverted, but on the other hand he has escalated the urgency of his ridiculous demands when it occurs to him to bother with us.  For example, whereas he previously responded dismissively and peevishly when we suggested that we might need better computer access than the 1:4 ratio, he later agreed to order us laptops…the better to enter the data with, my pretty.  Everything this man does is directly related to his perception of meeting his own outlandishly egocentric ends.  Some people have asked me how a person like this rises to the top of a given organization; I always respond that it’s because a person like this has no reservations about stepping on everyone else in his path to get to the top in the first place.  If anything, he’d ream the people he stepped on for not being better footholds.

But once again, I digress.

Communication with various parties has been initiated regarding the outcome of the situation at hand.  This entry is already long enough, but in the next thrilling installment, I shall recount the more recent interactions with my supervisor, as well as my meeting with my field training director at the university.  Will I succeed at stirring the sleeping dragon of academic wrath, or will my fantasized Big Guns of the Psych Department prove to be nothing more than a paper tiger?

Tune in next time right here on “I Pity The Fool.”*

*In this case, The Fool is hopefully not me.

Part 3 of…well, you know.

We have done some interesting things: for example, writing a press release and advertisements for our program; learning to write grants; designing family workshops (although this is on shaky scientific ground, since our bosses did not seem to care whether the activities we selected were empirically supported); making outreach calls to various potential sources of referrals.  We have even gone on foot to half the firehouses in Manhattan (!), since one group we hope to treat are family members of first responders.  What I find the most difficult about the experience has been a combination of feeling devalued as a clinician (they should have gotten either a secretary, a data entry person, or at most a Bachelor’s level psych student, except they would have had to pay a lot more), observing GodzillaBoss degrade other people in addition to myself, and wondering if my work is augmenting my professional training or just a waste of my time.

GodzillaBoss implies that C. and I think we’re too good to get our hands dirty, share workspace, contribute to the nuts and bolts of the operations, etc., but that’s not it at all.  We wouldn’t mind pitching in, but the problem is that it’s inappropriate to make this the entirety of our training experience, rather than supplementary to basic clinical training.  GodzillaBoss is known for being exploitative and manipulative, and has a particularly bad history with female employees: I happen to know that complaints have been filed.  He is actually an internationally known researcher in trauma and recovery, yet has already been kicked out of at least one consortium, essentially for his attitude.

The truth is, he has a limited degree of power over us: it would be difficult if not a complete waste of time for him to attempt to fire us; he doesn’t directly pay us, so he can’t withhold our money; and we would never even plan to ask him for a letter of recommendation (we’d ask our own supervisor).  However, the power he does have is to make everyone miserable and fearful in a negative workplace environment.

So basically, the point I am coming to in a very roundabout way, is that as is my tendency, I’ve been spending some serious time asking people for advice and considering all possible outcomes.  Will I stay at Big Hospital?  I hope so.  I certainly don’t want to go through another year of internship applications and then another year of internship.  I know that I could probably get a job as an NYC school psychologist in a heartbeat, pending certification.  But I would much rather stick this out, if it’s possible for things to turn around.

Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion of what I’m sure has been a riveting experience…

Part 2 of the continuing saga.

Title may be revised from "Ooh…Issues" to "More Than You May Ever Have Wanted To Know About My Job".

I was very glad to get this internship, since I was offered hardly any interviews last year, and didn’t get matched either. I searched for about a month after most of my class already knew what they would be doing this year. Furthermore, though they don’t have an established internship program (let alone accredited), Big Hospital is a reputable institution and will look dandy on my CV. So despite wishing for a longer vacation, I approached my start date of July 5 with no small amount of excitement.

We had not realized at first that this program is not only new, it basically didn’t/doesn’t exist yet. We were under the impression that a client base already existed, or at least were eagerly expecting services. Instead, we discovered that between the program’s inception in March or April, and our arrival in July, practically nothing had been done other than a few grant drafts, a half-dozen screenings, and a delusional overreliance on referrals from other hospital programs that have responded tepidly at best. In good faith and cooperative spirit, we involved ourselves in grant-writing, research, and literature review, despite not having our own workspace or even a place to leave our belongings during the day. We became well-acquainted with the hospital library and electronic resources, and eagerly attacked every task sent our way, no matter how odd or irrelevant it seemed.

Over the course of July, we continued to do everything that was asked of us, including attending meetings with other programs in the hospital where we were faced with varying degrees of hostility. We eventually obtained a small office, but there was a huge xerox machine in it, and everyone else was also using it for storage. Some of the crap was moved or removed, and a computer was installed; however, shortly thereafter we were joined by one and than two post-doctoral interns. Imagine four people sharing one desk and one computer in a room that is smaller than some bathrooms. The situation was difficult to protest due to the fact that nearly everyone else is as crowded as we and sharing their offices too. In fact, it was technically the post-docs’ office, despite the fact that we had been there all summer. They later each got their own desk and computer. We spent much of the past few weeks in our supervisor’s office, since he was out of town, although we had no access to his computer. This sounds trivial, especially considering that I didn’t have a computer at my externship, nor did most of the staff; however, there I had actual patients to see, among other direct service activities, rather than having primarily work to do that requires a computer, internet access, and a telephone all at once (leaving out the library).

C. and I have found ourselves doing a preponderance of work that could be considered clerical, if not menial. In the entire 9 weeks I’ve worked there, I’ve done about 3 or 4 hours of what I would consider direct service (face-to-face time with a client or in consultation about one). Instead, I’ve done such essential tasks as chart review and stuffing envelopes for other people’s programs. In the case of the chart review, GodzillaBoss tried to convince us that it would be clinically relevant, since we might get some patients from that department (pediatric diabetes or other chronic illnesses); however, we spent hours and hours recording patients’ height, weight, and glucose levels from various appointments.

We knew it was coming, but found out officially today that GodzillaBoss wants us to devote a regular amount of time to this absolutely ridiculous endeavor. Specifically, instead of hiring a data-entry temp for a week or two, he wants C. and I to each devote 8 hours/week to this b.s. for about 6 to 8 weeks.

Say WHAT?

To be continued (in case you’re not weary of the subject)…