I Pity The Fool

There’s no place like home for the holidays…at least, if you like food, and also, if other people will make it for you at their homes!  Many of you know that in my family, we do both Christmas and Hanukkah: these happened to fall on the same day this year, and thus for the past 4 days or so my digestive system and I have been quite busy.

Saturday night we drove out to Long Island for our usual family Christmas Eve party.  As usual, my dad’s driving caused me to feel wildly carsick by the time we were arriving.  At least this time, I thought to eat a decent brunch since other times I’ve wanted to save room for all the wonderful food, only to experience the angry stomach churning for the first couple of hours while everything’s still cooking, and fill myself up with bread.  I learned my lesson, so this year I was prepared.  My mom’s cousin makes a quasi-traditional Italian Christmas Eve dinner: you’re supposed to serve 7 fishes (not that I actually eat all of them)- I think this year she made 10, plus chicken, ham, antipasto, not to mention desserts (though no vegetables unless you count tomato sauce)…she always cooks enough in case a small army stops by!  Yum.

We only see these cousins once a year, despite the fact that they live less than two hours away from us…in some cases this is a good thing, in others it would be nice to see them more often (if they didn’t avoid the city like the plague).  It’s striking to see how different people in the same family can be, even if they’re brothers: for example, my cousins R. and A. and their wives. I was going to write a long description of this but I’ve decided it’s not really fair.  Suffice it to say that I felt A. and his wife to be a pair of idiots last year (when they ignored their newborn, got drunk almost immediately, and told mildly offensive jokes), and my opinion has not significantly changed (the specific behaviors were different but the attitudes seemed the same)…

Anyway, so then on Christmas Day, we had early dinner at the home of my parents’ friends, who made turkey and latkes in honor of the first night of Hanukkah.  Monday night we went to a Hanukkah party in NJ, where I got the last latke, but made up for my hunger by sampling many of the other delicious offerings.  And last night, my grandmother dropped off some chicken and more latkes at my house for us.  I think today I need to make a point of having some serious veggies for lunch again (same as the past two days), but oh, it’s been worth it.

Did I mention that I’m going back on my diet/exercise plan after New Year’s?

1. Perhaps most deserving of mention: my dissertation is officially finished.  I managed to eke out the final revisions and received the final approval from my advisor on Monday.  Woohoo!

2. I’ve spent a significant portion of this week in the house on an impromptu vacation, due to the NYC transit strike.  I won’t get into a major discussion of the strike here, bu I’ll briefly state that while I felt that most if not all of the TWU workers’ demands were reasonable, I was not able to really support the strike.  It did not negatively affect the MTA (evil cabal of state-appointed fatcats), nor did it teach a lesson to the mayor (who made some incredibly foolish, and somewhat offensive statements during the ordeal).  The people hit hardest were the working class of NYC who could not afford to take cabs even at the fare-zone prices, be it to their jobs, to much-needed medical appointments, or to go about their daily business; who were most in danger of losing their jobs or getting their pay docked if they couldn’t make it to work; who run small businesses that usually make more money in December than the rest of the year put together; who might otherwise have felt more solidarity with the exploited TWU workers.  I felt that all the heads involved were using working people towards their own ends.  Furthermore, the union had received most of what they had asked for, and could certainly have considered negotiating without striking, if the egos weren’t so inflated: this is what they wound up doing in the end, after 3 days of gotham turmoil (not to mention that other public employee unions, such as the teachers and firefighters, have had to do this for much longer).

Oops, but I said I wasn’t going to harp on it.

Instead I was going to relate a couple of amusing anecdotes…as follows.

3. Wild kingdom!  Not only has a mouse been spotted INSIDE our toaster oven twice in the past week or two, but I saw a huge predatory bird ripping something to shreds in my backyard today.  I called my neighbors to tell them to keep their kids away from the window, but when the mom called me back, she said that the kids had seen it two weeks ago and were more or less unfazed.  Desensitization, I’m telling you.  Anyway I still don’t know if it was a juvenile red-tailed hawk (its tail was striped, and not red), a peregrine falcon (my mom thinks that’s what it was, but the head seemed the wrong shape), or a harrier.  Not that we know much about birds, but whatever.  I got a photo of it on our fence, enjoying something that may once have been a smaller bird.  Later, my dad videotaped it in a tree, where it had been eviscerating something that appeared to be a deceased mammal…weirdly, we had holiday music playing in the background which is probably going to make it onto the tape, along with our voices discussing my dad’s camera usage, and our fingers pointing at pictures in my mom’s bird book.  Ah, the wonders of nature (when it’s utterly destroying more nature).

4. In spite of the afore-mentioned transit strike, my grandmother and I were determined to retrieve and utilize show tickets I’d reserved at work.  After much planning (and kicking myself for not going in on Monday when I could have gotten the tickets from the recreation office), we embarked on our quest.  My mother drove us to the Flatbush Ave LIRR station, where we got on a 12:59 train to Jamaica, Queens (for you non-New Yorkers, that’s a major railroad hub in the opposite direction from Manhattan, but the only way to take the LIRR from Brooklyn to Manhattan).  We were fortunate in that we only had to wait on the frigid outdoor platform for the Manhattan-bound train for a few minutes.  This deposited us at Penn Station in Manhattan, where we were happily able to grab a taxi right away (in spite of the dire shrieking predictions of my aunt, who called my house at 6:30 in the morning to try to make my dad convince me and my grandmother not to go…according to her, I’m "headstrong").

Due to fare zone prices, this was not inepensive, but it was the only way to get up to the hospital.  And we wound up sharing the cab with a friendly but clueless Australian on his way to the museum of natural history.  Anyway, once we got to work, I picked up the tickets and we had lunch in the hospital cafeteria.  After a stop at my office to check messages, we had time to kill.  The free hospital employees’ shuttle pulled up, Hollywood style, right next to us.  Rather than another pricy cab ride, my grandmother convinced me to ask one of the drivers if she could ride too, even though she isn’t an employee, and they said yes!  It happened to be going within a block of where our show was.  We still had lots of time so we browsed around in a music store, then visited that hallowed monument to consumerism, the breathtaking Time Warner Center, where we ate dinner (and where I spied an Obie).  After dinner, we went and saw our show, then took a cab down to City Hall, where my parents picked us up to shave some of the cost off of our fares.  All in all, a triumphant day- even though the show wasn’t the best I’ve ever seen, we had fun and hopefully somebody will get the chance to stick it to my aunt!

5. Happy Holidays Everybody!

…is one step closer to finishing her degree at school?!?

Thank heaven for little girls…and for the fact that the MTA did not strike yesterday…and for the fact that hardly anyone was at my presentation (especially no stats professors who could ask me a dozen questions I wouldn’t be able to answer).

The bad news is that I still have to write a wee bit more this weekend to beef up the last section of my project, but I was pretty much expecting that to happen.

The good news is that other than that, I am done with my dissertation!  Now if  can stomach another 6 months of GodzillaBoss, you’ll all have to call me Dr. Liz…just kidding, I’m more laid-back than that.  Dr. Awesome will do just fine, or just Doc if you’re into the whole brevity thing…

=)

Anyway, yay for me!

I squished a silverfish today at work.  Am I in trouble, karmically speaking?  Or was I fated to squish it, thereby averting some sort of global catastrophe (butterfly-flapping-its-wings theory, and so on)?

My friend P. told me he believes in pronoia- that’s sort of the opposite of paranoia, and it makes you believe that the whole universe is conspiring in your favor.
So if that’s the case, then perhaps if I had a great internship and got to present my internship on time, I’d get squashed by a giant robot.  So the universe is protecting me even as it appears to be screwing me over. 

Anyway, I’m almost done with my dissertation, speaking of being screwed over.  I’m rescheduled for this Friday,
and praying for no transit strike, though according to the e-mail I just got, the university is remaining open regardless.  I can’t believe I still have to give my stupid Powerpoint presentation to my advisor and consultant even though they can presumably just read the damn project in its entirety.  Which brings me to my other problem: I’ve done everything else that was possible (ignoring editorial suggestions that seem basically outside the realm of the feasible), yet my discussion section is still only 5 pages.  I don’t think I can get away with that.  Any thoughts (though I don’t know how familiar you are with psych papers)?  What the hell else am I supposed to say in there (I’ve already summarized results, talked  about possible limitations, directions for future research, etc.)?  I feel like if I ask, I will just look like even more of an idiot that before… I e-mailed several of my classmates about it, and they have provided some suggestions.  I have one day left to attempt to implement them.  If Dr. Crazy decides that my project is not up to snuff, I’m essentially stuck with it in my lap til she returns from sabbatical next September…

Universe, I’m beginning to think you owe me.  Do your best tomorrow, for crying out loud.

Okay, sorry about that, Universe.  I’m fully aware of how laughable the concept is that my dissertation matters in the grand scheme of things, the music of the spheres, what have you (and that’s making the assumption that we’re not all a whirling mass of chaos and methane or whatever).  But just for a couple of days, can we please pretend that rather than a self-centered, overeducated, pitiful mite of existence human, instead I’m a freakin’ butterfly flapping around?  Please.

Does anyone else think it’s weird when someone you don’t know talks to you in a public bathroom, even after you’re in there peeing?

I was at a play on Friday and was talking in the ladies’ loo with someone my dad knows.  I guess the topic of my dissertation was irresistible, because a woman that I don’t know each started asking me questions about it.  After she left, another woman asked me more questions, and continued to do so even after it was my turn to use the single stall.  I’m certainly not a squeamish person, and if it had been a friend I probably would have thought nothing of it, but does it seem awkward to anybody besides me?

Son of a nutcracker!

As I feared, Pace is closed today.  They close at the drop of a hat!  I think in the entire time I was at Oberlin, there may have been ONE closing due to weather.  Pace has closed due to high gusty winds.  Today it’s because of the snow.  Can you believe it?  The one time in my entire life that I WOULDN’T want school closed for snow!?!?!

In case you didn’t know, I was supposed to give my results presentation at Pace today.  It’s basically the equivalent of a dissertation defense. 

I can hardly believe it, I REALLY wanted to present today and was psychologically prepared.  I’m just hoping they will reschedule it for ASAP so I can get it over with.

Other than that, nothing we can do… 

BUT IT’S SO ANTICLIMATIC!!!

However, I am trying to look on the bright side: since I took the day off from work anyway, I’m going to spend it working on my discussion section, and also use the time to improve my powerpoint presentation, make sure it’s the right length, etc. 

Oh yeah, and sleep, because I actually stayed up all night working on my presentation so this is probably a blessing in disguise- it’s just hard to see it that way because it’s dragging everything out even longer.

ARGH!  I hope today goes alright for YOU.

We had another lovely all-day training with him last Friday, though it actually went better compared to the previous one.  Incidentally, those two days are the only ones since I got back from Cali where I’ve actually come in on time, and worked a full day (sshhh- ain’t my fault they got nothin’ for me to do.  Besides, I came in the day after Thanksgiving so I get bonus points, even if I only came in around 11 and worked on my dissertation almost the whole time).

Anyway, a few choice tidbits for your reading pleasure.  First of all, he reminded us of how lucky we are to be showered with his wisdom, since "other people" PAY to hear him speak.  I feel so lucky I can’t breathe…  Secondly, I amused myself by writing down all of the off-the-wall examples he gave us, presumably things he felt our hypothetical clientele could relate to (paraphrasing):

a) on trauma/reexperiencing: "The person could be retraumatized, they could be getting depressed every day by seeing the car their loved one used to drive…every time they see that BMW they get reminded…"

b) on the potential situation where we are interviewing a child about one trauma (say, a fire) and learn of an abuse situation: "You never know, it could be anyone, it could be the parent, the teacher, even the maid- sometimes it’s the maid…"

c) on the metaphor of digestion for mental processing: "It’s like foie gras; I LOVE my foie gras, but I can’t really digest it so well anymore.   But I love it, I’m gonna eat it anyway!  It’s just like that…"

d) on possibly fruitless endeavors:  "It’s like digging for truffles…TRUFFLES!…It could be useless, maybe you won’t find them, but it’s a treasure!"

He also cornered us in the hallway after the end of the training session, assuring us of his great and powerful attention to our needs (ha!) and expressing disbelief at the fact that hardly anything has changed since the last time we saw him (e.g., small caseloads, irregular supervision, etc.).  He’s going back to Hawaii soon and claims that he will either fix everything before he leaves, or video-conference with us.  Incidentally, the idea of having to view him onscreen in high-def strikes fear in me and the part of my brain that stores visual memories…

But I digress.

Today C. and I finally moved (or should I say returned, since we were in here briefly over the summer) into the office lately vacated by the retreating post-docs.  Yes, allow me to refresh your memory, it’s the one that’s smaller than two of the four bathrooms in our department, and inadequate for seeing most patients.  Not to mention the fact that we were supposed to get a workspace two or three months ago.  I knew that GodzillaBoss would make a point of fishing for compliments and praise, and I readied myself with a response I felt would jive with him.  He asked us how great it felt to be moving in, and I said, "It’s great, we’re having the interior decorators in later; we’re thinking Lacroix," gesturing around.  "Lacroix is good!" he exclaimed.  C. was just confused. 

We snuck out through a back door to go on a break, since we didn’t want to have to walk by him in a coworker’s office.  He actually works in a different building, but deigned to visit the hoi palloi today, I suppose.  Anyway, not wanting him to know our comings and goings, we nervously hustled around the twists and turns of our basement offices, ultimately escaping to the outdoors.  "We are so lame," we said to each other resignedly.  I was trying to think of an analogy for the experience- first I came up with the idea of us as rats hustling around the inner workings of a building, but we’re not rats.  "We’re something scared," I pondered, "hiding from an enemy."  Ultimately, I decided we’re rabbits.  Rabbits navigating a rabbit warren of offices to evade the attention of our predator.  We laughed at the ridiculous situation in which we find ourselves every day.  "This is going in the blog," I told C.

She told me that GodzillaBoss had actually come in earlier while I was elsewhere, and said to her that we should buy him CANDY!  Our own supervisor was in, and apparently said he’d do it.  Were they SERIOUS?  I never would have had the cojones to say this, but what I’d have thought of would be, "You’re right, you deserve candy.  You can expect to get it in two or three months," like our office, or alternately, "Great, what I’ll do is, I will buy candy, but I’ll give it to someone else, and they you can have it after they quit."  Oh, what a magical fantasy world of bon repartee exists unpunished in my mind.

============================================================================

Lastly, and apropos of nothing, I was in a certain meganational conglomerate yesterday getting a hot drink.  A woman after me in line ordered something pointless like a half-caf foamy something, and actually made the employee show her the milk carton’s expiration date.  Now that’s anal.  As if the corporate coffee conspiracy really wants to risk litigation by serving expired milk products on the Upper East Side, when I happen to know that they throw away anything that even touches the floor.  The service can be terrible and the coffee sucks, but believe me, they don’t keep expired milk.

============================================================================

Anyway, it’s past 5 now and time to go home.  Mind you, I didn’t get in here til 10:45 this morning, but that can stay just between us pals.  Actually, I was supposed to see a patient at 4:30 and then conference with his mother at 5:30.  I do wind up staying til 6 or later on some days, which is why I often wouldn’t come in til 10 anyway.  However, today was just another one of those long, dubious days where I probably only spent about an hour doing work-related stuff in my department (unless you count chatting with the tech guy or the office administrator).  That plus about 90 minutes of a lecture for the psychiatry department, comprise the extent of my activities today that in any way relate to my training.  The rest of the time…well, I guess you can pretty much figure it out. 

Cheers everyone-