I Pity The Fool

I GOT THE JOB.
*
that is all.
*
!!!!!!!!!!

Here is a list of things that people have recently offered or treated me to (in some cases, due to my unemployment, in other cases, just because I’m such a pal):

• Jackie: Dinner at local Italian restaurant
• Dave from Scotland: Dinner at Junior’s, extra drinks at Commonwealth
• Grandma: Tickets to a couple of cultural events…cake at a patisserie, AND a trip to the dentist (coincidence?) since I haven’t gone there in two years, due to insurance issues
• Mom and Dad: $20/week to prevent me from mouldering at home quite so much; interest-free loans towards my credit card bill
• Laura: Starbucks chai, plus almost certainly a lunch or dinner a couple of weeks ago (hard to remember since I have been home and penniless 6 weeks now) and a movie ticket
• Tami: cab ride, plus something else
• Kindly neighbor: lunch at an Indian restaurant after I invited myself to sit with her (in my defense, I was planning to pay)

I’m sure there are other things I’m forgetting, aside from the intangible gifts such as friendship and people who are good listeners.
In terms of the tangible things, I am deeply grateful, but I’m willing to sacrifice all potential freebies in the near future (except maybe the dentist) in exchange for A JOB.  I’ve felt unusually lucky and somewhat cared-for recently, but I hope there’s not some crazy karmic balance that will counterbalance the good fortunes with unforeseen calamity…
I had a job interview on Tuesday, which went well aside for some transportation issues.  I think I made a good impression on the interviewer in almost all respects except one, but it’s kind of a biggie.  She expressed concern about how young and relatively inexperienced I am, in light of two issues: one is the toughness of the environment, which is a correctional facility whose priorities are not education, mental health, or facilitating the ease of me doing my job well; the other is by nature of my degree, I would be the leader of a team of professionals, who would probably all be older and more experienced than I am (and thus may not adjust well to me being above them)…
Besides that, it was a lot of info to take in at once, which made me feel sort of overwhelmed after I left.  However, I’ve had some time to think and talk it over with my family and a couple of friends, and I’ve decided that I do still want the job, if they’ll have me.  There are definitely challenges in it, but I’m not sure things would be significantly easier elsewhere…the truth is, I’m kind of scared of getting a job regardless, but not as scared as I am of having to grow up and keep looking for one.  I’m just an older version of the kid who didn’t know we had a test on Wednesday, it’s just that now I’m the 27-year-old who doesn’t know how to find the job listserv, how to navigate the bureaucracy, how to promote myself, or even, in a way, how to begin.

I’m upstate with my parents again this weekend, and once again, it’s rained most of the time.  In fact, I’ve only been here twice this year, and it’s rained on both weekends; on the other hand, there have also been other weekends I decided not to come, and as far as I know it rained most of those times as well.  To make it more special, when we stepped outside I noticed we immediately had to fend off clouds of gnats.  No wonder my parents want to come here every weekend- it’s truly a paradise on earth.
We went to a crafts fair today, which was okay, but definitely not exciting enough for more than an hour or two’s worth of activity.  So in short, I’ve spent almost the whole weekend inside, eating or sleeping…this sounds fun to some people, and I bet I’d appreciate it more if I were working.  Instead, it makes me feel sort of sluggish and lethargic, and hey- I could do that at home, with access to television…  On the bright side, someone around here has wireless internet, which I learned last time, so I can mindlessly surf the web, attend to Flickr responsibilities (I was asked to administer a group on there!), or what-have-you. 
In the day, I can watch king-size hornets fly up against the window next to my bed; at night, I can watch moths do the same.  You’d be surprised how loud they can be.  Also, it’s amazing how tired I can get even when I haven’t really done anything that requires energy.  After the crafts fair, I fell asleep in the car on the way back, though not before I had time to observe a business called "Neve’s Taxidermy."  I have no idea if this Neve is a guy or a woman, but something about the vision of lovely Neve Campbell retiring from show biz to stuff dead woodland creatures tickles my funny bone.  I also made up a joke in the car:

Why did the trout tease the perch?
Just for the halibut.
[Groan.]

When we got back, my mom and I snuck a couple of pieces of chocolate while my dad indulged his compulsion to brush and floss his teeth (he does this at least three or four times per day, which I think is excessive).  My parents are napping now, but since I already slept in the car, I decided to update IPTF and then finish watching a movie I started earlier.  Tonight we head back to the city, where plenty of distractions await me.  Most notably, I have a job interview (!) on Tuesday morning.  I have a whole host of hopes and fears about it, but I’ll save them for another post.  I don’t want to count my proverbial chickens before they hatch.
In previous summers here in the country, I could have counted actual chickens.  They belonged to our neighbors across the road, and were allowed to walk around wherever they wanted (now that’s free-range)…unfortunately, they became soup, stews, or barbecue long ago, and now we have only their memory.  So no counting.

1 BLT + (0.5 slices) Junior’s strawberry cheesecake + 3 Moscow Mules (ginger beer + vodka) + 1 (pink x sprinkles x 3 AM) dunkin/donut = oops.

People keep telling me that I should enjoy this transitional period of free time and low responsibility as long as it lasts.  It’s an interesting concept- I can acknowledge that I’m not necessarily using my time to the best of my advantage: though I’ve gone on some long walks, finished a couple of books, visited a museum or two and gone out with friends a few times, I also stay home a lot, trying not to spend too much money…hoping for a job that will effectively kill most of my free time, but help pay off some bills.
On the bright side, it’s pouring rain today here in New York.*  If I were working, I would be loathe to venture out in my biz-cas, shlep myself to work and hope my umbrella doesn’t get stolen by a patient again.  Instead, i can stay home like I always wished I could.  I can watch the edited version of The Breakfast Club on the We channel for the umpteenth time while drinking hot chocolate…alternately, I can pop a DVD into my computer and watch a movie (probably LOTR) in bed, in the middle of the day…catch up on my reading, wihle grabbing a snack or another hot drink to combat the chill whenever I feel like it.  I can wear comfy clothes I wouldn’t be caught dead in outside the house.
So ha ha, all you suckers with wages, and health insurance…I guess the joke’s on you, isn’t it?
.
.
.
*which makes self-delusion a little bit more possible

This weekend, I attended my grandmother’s birthday party, a bat mitzvah, a memorial, and a bridal shower (and had to skip a class get-together to celebrate our graduation).  Just about all the life cycles were covered, although thank goodness I didn’t have to witness any live births.
On the flip side of all these joyous occasions were various trials and tribulations.  I tried to keep my dad and my aunt from fighting at my grandmother’s party, but mainly just talked to my brother, ignoring my delinquent cousin who sat with her head on the table when she wasn’t ignoring us in favor of a book (I’m just glad she reads anything, that is, when she’s participating in activities that might be prosecuted by the vice squad).  At the bat mitzvah, we alternated between awkward conversations with people we don’t know, and awkward conversations with the estranged and brain-damaged mom of the bat mitzvah, who is a stroke victim.  This was really sad because I remember her the way she used to be.  Over the weekend, two different unrelated people informed me that the NYCDOE (hopefully my future employer) is committing further atrocities and may be switching over to a business-driven "consultation" model rather than hiring shrinks like me as employees…not good news for anyone who actually wants job security and health insurance…not that I’ve even heard back from them…  And last but not least, I was bitten by very ill-tempered little dog.
Then today, I spent the whole day inside.  I’m not proud of it, that’s just the way things turned out. It’s not even necessarily safer to stay inside- witness the fact that my mom asked me to do essentially just one thing today, and I burned myself doing it (taking a muffin tin out of the oven, if you must know).  I tell you, I’m better off roaming the streets.
I normally don’t get involved in 9/11 anniversary stuff, even though last year I worked in a 9/11-related program.  I feel like the subject can sometimes get a little overwrought.  However, being unemployed and more or less unoccupied, I wound up in an interesting interchange about it on Flickr.  There is something to be said for opening up a dialogue.  In that spirit, I’ll post part of what I wrote there.  Feel free to respond here, or not:

If nothing else, remember this: 9/11 opened a lot of peoples’ eyes to
how little we know about each other in the world, and it’s up to us to
change that. Personally, I travel as much as possible. Wherever I go
and meet new people, they usually ask me something about what it was
like to be in NYC on 9/11. But besides that, they are interested, and
sometimes surprised, to talk to me about politics and world events. I
don’t take it upon myself to be the example of a "good American"
everywhere I go, in terms of showing that not all of us are jingoistic,
warmongering, and/or ultraconservative, and I don’t apologize for every
single poor decision our administration makes (though it’s tempting). I
just feel like it’s my job to be myself, to learn about others as they
learn about me. I admit that I like surprising people by my willingness
to be open-minded, and my desire to explore the world beyond my past or
comfortable experiences. As a matter of fact, I happened to visit
France at the end of 2002, right around the era of "freedom fries" (how
embarassing!). And this summer, I had the pleasure of meeting and
talking with new people in Turkey, Hungary, and Italy. If we close
ourselves off, we can never hope to overcome fear, terrorism, and
governmental opportunism.

And while I’m on my soapbox, I’ll share one other thing.  I was finally able to find my Friendster review for It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.  Just in case you can’t see it on my profile page, revel in my witticism below:

Don’t miss this show. Especially if you’re one of those jerks in the
Nielsen families who get good shows like Arrested Development
cancelled, but we have yet another season of American Idol.
It’s
Always Sunny in Philadelphia was funny before too, but now they have
Danny DeVito to play the crazy dad. Some aspects of it are suspiciously
reminiscent of Arrested Development (e.g., bitchy, materialistic mom;
adult twins (blonde sister and brown-haired brother), but it’s also
very unique and creative.
Here’s your chance to laugh
self-consciously about such relevant contemporary topics as the
Catholic child-molestation scandal. Alternately, if you are bitter or
suffering from a mild depressive episode, savor the schadenfreude of
watching the antics of people who might be in worse shape than you.
Can’t remember the last time I laughed so much as when I saw the
episode called "Charlie Gets Crippled." I dare you to think of
something as funny as a bunch of fake-disabled people beating the crap
out of each other…but I won’t spoil the ending.
I missed most of
the season due to being out of town, but I can’t wait to catch up and
make myself feel better about my own mediocre existence. Yay!

I gave it 5 stars.  Incidentally, they are showing reruns of the second season- maybe not every night, but definitely on Sundays at around 11:05 (don’t know why). For that matter, reruns of Arrested Development appear to be broadcast at both 2 PM and 11:30 PM, weekdays on channel 105 (if you have Time Warner Cable)- that’s a shout-out to those who might be interested and/or are as unemployed and unoccupied as I am.
At any rate, hopefully I’ll be giving 5 stars to a good night’s sleep shortly.  TTFN from IPTF.

Hi folks…you may well feel that I have already beaten this subject to death, but the truth is it just won’t stay dead.  I’ve let such gems as "Flotilla I. Ridiculous" (or something like that, there was definitely a Flotilla in there) go by, but today I got a spam that I just had to mention.  Keeping in mind that some of my own friends’ and listserv e-mails have been bounced from my account, isn’t it grand that I can still get an urgent message from…
"Cat Butt Coma"?!?!?
That is all.

Here’s a break from my recent bitching and/or moaning.  However, if you take the time to read this whole ridiculous running commentary, you may just wish the to have the old IPTF back.  I warn you, I’m hardly an experienced formal media critic, but I have opinions.  Lots of them.
Incidentally, did any of you see my review of my recent favorite-ish TV show, "It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia?"  I posted it a couple of days ago, but I am totally unable to see it online (or any other reviews written by anyone I know).  I know that rather few people will be interested to read it, especially since you have to sign in to Friendster to do so.  But if any of you has the time, can you see if it’s there and let me know?  Better yet, watch the show.  If you like my sense of humor, you’ll 
probably like theirs.  Incidentally, they use the word SHIT on that show- I guess even basic cable gets privileges after 10 or 11 at night.  There are more and more things they can say on broadcast TV these days, although have you noticed they can’t say "goddamn" anymore?  I could have sworn that one used to be permissible…anyone else remember?

And now on to the actual blog entry- hope it’s coherent, since I wrote it over a couple of hours and changed the order around (I wrote this part almost-last, actually).
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Burning questions, a pop-culture-obsessed moment to idly distract me on a rainy Saturday night.
So: YES, I turned on the VMAs, but in my defense it was mainly because I wanted to catch the Raconteurs performance.  It turns out that there were several, but each one was almost entirely preempted by commercial breaks.  At least the Killers were uninterrupted.
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First question: what is the deal with the Pussycat Dolls (henceforth, the PDs)?  Are they strippers?  I remember hearing that there’s some strip club in Hollywood* where certain female celebrities get their kicks by pretending to slum it and "ironically" demean themselves, thus rejoicing in their 21st-century womanhood.  Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against real strippers who choose that line of work…I’m just remarking that it’s awfully cozy to be able to get wasted and ho it up for the night without having to worry about making your living that way…
Anyway, the PDs won some award and all six of them got up on stage to accept it.  I have no idea if they all spoke, but it certainly seemed to go on for a long time and I can’t really tell them apart.  What I noticed was that the first PD made sure to thank God (albeit, after almost everyone else).  I never cease to be amazed by this phenomenon.  What makes you think God had anything to do with your ability to gain notoriety by singing a suggestive song called "Buttons?"
I don’t actually believe in God, but even if I did, I’d have difficulty conceptualizing a Universal Creator with the time or inclination to get involved in the music of ANY of those people who ever thank him in their speeches. 
And did anyone else know there’s a rapper named Chamillionaire?  Whose idea was that?  At least he thanked God first.  Maybe God will help him think of a better name.
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What happened to Busta Rhymes’s hair?  I noticed awhile ago that he cut
off all those cool dreads- it’s kind of what made him interesting.
He’s kinda chubbed up a bit too.  I know it was awhile ago, but I was
reminded of it again this time.  And speaking of dreads, apparently Axl Rose still refuses to live and let ‘em die.  Where on earth did they dig him up???
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I am still not convinced that Jessica Simpson ISN’T mildly retarded.  Can anyone prove it?  Seriously.
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P!nk is not retarded, and of that genre, has generally struck me as slightly more interesting and relevant.  So what was the deal with her speech?  Amazingly, one of her fans actually uploaded it to YouTube, so you can see it if you skip ahead to about 1:33, just in time to see how she apparently couldn’t care less, and may have popped some barbituates moments earlier…
She seemed to have sobered up a bit by the time she co-presented with a slightly wiggy Lou Reed, and I think she might have insulted the president (thumbs up in my book) right before Lou cast aspersions on MTV’s non-rock music (thumbs up again).
They presented an award to AFI, whose gay frontman Joey Havok has a much better singing voice than speaking voice.  Props for being out, but I miss your old haircut- now you look like you want to be Anthony Kiedis instead of Jay from Jay and Silent Bob.
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Did Beyonce’s performance with the sirens and flashing lights give anyone an epileptic seizure, I wonder?
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Shakira annoys me, even though she’s never denied or dissociated herself from the fact that her entire act is based on shaking her ass.  I have an odd respect for her lack of pretense, but that doesn’t mean her music merits credibility.  Her songs pretty much all sound the same and deal with rather a limited number of topics…plus I just find her voice annoying.  Yet her video is nominated for pretty much every possible award.  What has she got that at least one or two of the PDs don’t have?
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I wasn’t crazy about Nelly Furtado even when she had that maddeningly catchy "I’m Like a Bird" song, but her new image is way more irritating.  Can anyone explain the appeal?  Even so, she’s still far from the skankiest…Li’l Kim comes to mind, but perhaps she’s old news at this point…this brings me to my next point: I don’t like Fergie (aka, the so-called Lady of Lumps, or as Lisa’s uncle Mark has remarked, "Do you guys know Humpy Humpy?") either, but perhaps you knew that already.
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Who is faker, Nicole Richie or Paris Hilton?
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I still don’t like Sarah Silverman.  Seriously, I don’t think I have ever heard her say anything that struck me as funny.  I acknowledge that other people may have a different sense of humor, but can any of you honestly dispute that no one would pay attention to her if she had exactly the same material, but was a guy (or a fat girl)?
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So Sean "Puffy" Combs is now just "Diddy" without the P. (and certainly
not Puff Daddy)?  Who can keep track?  He’s worse than the artist
formerly known as Prince.
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Why was a too-skinny Jared Leto dressed like a gay goth aviator?  I
don’t know what was freakier, his weird canned speech about
multi-partner sex, his eyeliner and hair dye, or that weird little
white scarf.
And in searching for a photo to link in, I discovered that I’m not the only one who felt a bit critical about him (and check out the bit on J-Lo)…  Plus, who knew he dated Lindsay Lohan?  Ew, he must be at least 13 years older than she is (okay I looked it up: 15!!!).  That’s almost as gross as definitely grosser than the age difference between Beyonce and Jay-Z (looked it up: 12).
And plus again, who knew I gave a shit about any of this?  I surprise (and slightly shame) myself at times…but I’m not apologizing.
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Can any serious artist honestly take pride in winning a VMA for "ringtone of the year?"
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It’s kind of cool that Queen Latifah mentioned overpopulation.  Surprise guest Al Gore, too.  He’s a smart guy who surely researched the names of all the celebrities he mentioned in his speech, but how many of the people in the audience do you think were sure of who Al Gore is?  I’m just sayin’.

Hey audience, thanks for cheering yourselves on three+ hours into the program, on the pretense that you care about the environment.  While you’re patting yourselves on the back, I’d like to know how many of you own Hummers (or wish you did).  And by the way, are those fair-trade diamonds in your iced-up grill?  One thing doesn’t change, that good old, earnest, entertainment industry hypocrisy.  Incidentally, MTV aired a commercial about reducing ecological waste, but I couldn’t get the link to work.  Oh well Al, at least you tried.

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Did you think I had NOTHING nice to say?
OK Go have earned my respect- when my friend forwarded me the link to their video on YouTube, I idly wondered how many takes they must have gone through to get it right.  I give them major props for doing it right LIVE.
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If you’re still reading this and still need a way to spend some more time, I can recommend a couple more videos, though they have nothing to do with the VMAs.  Keep in mind that I have been existing under a sort of quasi-house-arrest recently (self-imposed for financial reasons), which leaves me lots of time to engage in internet tomfoolery.
This is a video I saw on TV in Italy a few times.  At first anyway, the music struck me as forgettable…then it sticks in your head…but more importantly, the conceptual aspect of the video is awesome!  I have no idea what (if any) myth it’s supposed to be, but does it matter?
And lastly,
WHY IS THE EASTER BUNNY SO ANGRY???
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*Re. the PDs: I just looked it up.