I Pity The Fool

Addendum to the previous entry:

today’s e-submissions include

hippopotami righteous - Charley Shafer
                                        

and

yearn - Nik Bird

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Day Two of work: My allergic reaction has evolved (or devolved) into a nasty cold.  I spent much of the day cleaning my office, and wondering if my predecessor had some form of OCD…he had various papers up on the wall, in some cases more than one copy of the same thing, and almost all of them (including his decorative posters) affixed to the bulletin boards (or directly to the wall) with at least four to six staples.  Weirdly, he also had several old ziplock sandwich bags in the cabinet, with crumbs or other stuff (a mysterious white powder, but clearly not an illicit substance) still inside.  I know he was there for years and must have thrown SOME stuff away, but it definitely made me wonder what his criteria were.
I’m getting pressured to attend the big Christmas party, which I think is school-wide for staff.  I was embarrassed to tell anyone that I literally do not have the $55 it costs to attend…my bank account is currently about $53, and I have a sneaking suspicion that my first paycheck will not come in time for my next bills.  My brother is lending me the money.  Apparently also, my own part of the school (it’s one of five different facilities within the academy) has its own Christmas party, plus we are prevailed upon to participate in Secret Santa.  This was fun back in school when I actually KNEW something about my covert gift recipient(s), but I feel like in a brand-new work setting, it can be awkward.  And of course whoever has to get a gift for me is going to be mystified… Unfortunately, I see no way of avoiding it without looking aloof and antisocial, so I will just have to figure something out…
Anyway, between my agonizing congestion and fiery throat, I don’t know when I’ve ever been happier to have a short workweek.  Hopefully I’ll be better tomorrow in time for a certain Halloween festivity, although my strained facial muscles, slightly confused expression, and profusion of head leakage might make my zombie getup even more convincing…  On the other hand, I don’t think you’re supposed to drink if you’re on Benadryl.  Hmph.
Happy Weekend All!

Today was my first day of work: this after returning to get my ID picture taken a second time… the "red security background" I’d presumed to believe they add digitally turned out to be a red piece of fabric they hang on the wall behind you when your picture is taken.  Anyway, at least this time they actually allowed me to take the ID with me; with the original one, they had claimed that they were required to mail it to the school principal (effectively inconveniencing as many people as possible).
So far at my job, I’ve learned three main things:

1. I am terribly allergic to something in my office.  Hopefully it will be better by tomorrow, since I replaced the filter in the air purifier (the old one was dirty…and inserted BACKWARDS) that someone left behind, and am bringing Lysol wipes to scour all surfaces.
2. Most of the people I will be working with are pretty friendly, but
3. they almost uniformly despise the woman who is technically our supervisor.  She’s the same person who interviewed me last month, and a couple of employees seemed amused that she was nice to me ("oh, so was she charming?").  I have been warned.  Let’s just hope she doesn’t turn into Dragon-Lady (Bride of GodzillaBoss?).

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In other news, remember this?  The topic that just won’t die?  Lisa told me she was saving up some good ones, but I have been trying to resist.  Until now…when I feel compelled to introduce to you the world’s top noms de plume in a serialized shocker called, Son of Spam.

anemic lighthouse - Jack Mcgowan
incomprehensible protraction - Dannie Tuttle
naivete Friday - Jim Holmes
words: dog. car culture MV - AFP Buried
soda water - Christian Erickson
insignificance hereafter - Cecil Evans

Anyway, can you think of a better ending than that???
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Lastly, on my final day of freedom, I saw The Prestige.  Did you?

A couple of updates on past stories:
HR Liasion Lady is not doing her job.  She has disregarded all of my attempts to contact her (despite her initially TELLING me to do so), and has not even answered simple questions…that is, when they’re e-mailed by ME.  I asked someone else I know who works there, who e-mailed the exact same question to the exact same lady, and got a response (which was forwarded to me by my friend).  I don’t want to make any enemies before I even get there by tattling on Liasion Lady, but on the other hand, if there are things I’m supposed to be doing that I’m not, it’s my ass and I don’t feel like taking the blame!  Oh yeah, and there ARE things I’m supposed to be doing.  I got a strange automated e-mail from the NYC DOE with a bunch of links that led to pages under construction, but my gradual searching led to a whole list of mandatory new hires’ forms I need to complete, including a TB test.  I went to the same clinic where I had a test done for Big Hospital two years ago, only to find that:

a) they stop doing tests at 3 PM (it was 3:03) and
b) they no longer do the Mantoux skin test, only a new blood test for TB that may not be accepted by the dept. of ed.

So my choices for other clinics included some that were in the complete middle of nowhere in Brooklyn (the least-inconvenient was actually one stop past good ol’ Big Hospital, and an hour away by public transportation)), and one in Chelsea.  I was concerned about whether the Chelsea clinic still does the old TB test, but miracle of miracles, someone actually answered the phone there on Wednesday morning (a full 10 minutes before they open, no less!) and replied in the affirmative.  So I went there, and was amazed by how short the waiting time was (at the other clinic two years ago, I had to wait at least an hour).  Today I went back for the test reading.  Good news, everyone: I don’t have TB!

*

On Wednesday, I also ran myself ragged on a quixotic quest for those blasted shoes.  I simply do not understand people who get a charge out of shopping for hours and hours- I was exhausted.  I’ll spare you the boring details but I covered the 34th St. area in Manhattan, then went down to Century 21 and a couple of other shops by the WTC.  I stopped off at home for some lunch before heading out to Bay Ridge to check the other Century 21 and whatever else I could find around there.  Ultimately I wound up in "Charmet," a bridal shop where I found more or less what I was looking for in an obcenely priced dyeable shoe, handed over my credit card and my bedraggled little fabric swatch, and conceded the battle.  On impulse (and I can’t believe I did this), I also bought a pricy little purse there…normally I am not the kind of person who will do that, but in the end I decided that my TIME is worth money too, and rationalized that I am essentially paying myself for the value of my time in splurging on this stuff to end the saga.  Right?  Wrong?  Ridiculous?  I’m just glad I’m done shopping…and I will look fabulous, I promise you that, readers.

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On a side-note, though it is related to the above in terms of being about appearance-consciousness, here’s something that was brought to my attention today.  The Dove self-esteem project: it’s the first I’m hearing
about it. I want to believe that there’s truly an altruistic motive
behind it (Oprah seems to have signed on wholeheartedly, anyway.) but remember those ads for the Dove skin-firming cream? They’re telling you it’s okay to be "curvy" (or overweight) but also selling you a
cream for it.  Anyway, apparently this young girls’ self-esteem project has
been going on all year. I will
be interested to know whether it really makes a difference: they’ve promised to improve the self-esteem of a
million girls by 2008, but even those kids will still be living in a
world where they’re surrounded by messages to the contrary. What do you think?

Interviews with girls: 2 minutes 41 seconds

A commercial showing how models’ images are created (normal
picture gets airbrushed, distorted, etc.): about 1 minute 15 seconds

This is the commercial that apparently played during the
Superbowl: 45 seconds

Here’s news coverage of the campaign: about 5 minutes

Although this subject won’t be directly affecting my work at my upcoming job (where I theoretically start on Tuesday, incidentally…and finally…), it’s a subject that has interested me for many years.  I’m curious to know other peoples’ thoughts on the subject, so speak up and speak out!

I saw Jim Jarmusch(!) on the F-train Friday night, while I was on my way to an event for my friend’s upcoming documentary film, The Survival of the Wildebeest.  I didn’t actually get to talk to Jarmusch himself, but I offered my NYC skills in giving alternate-route-directions to his lady friend.  After helping her solve the problem, I said, "Can I ask you a question?…Is that Jim Jarmusch!"  I wish I could have thought of something better to say when she responed in the affirmative…but all I came up with was, "Awesome!"
I won a road atlas of Europe from the Goethe Institut of NY booth at the CultureFest yesterday.  They were asking people trivia questions, and you could win things like a sticker or a keychain, but I heard a guy ask, "What do you have to do to get a book?"  He was told that he would have to do a Marlene Dietrich impersonation, but then he said he didn’t know who she was.  I "won" a sticker when they asked me what colors were on the German flag…since they were standing next to a German flag, I just pointed to it.  Then I lost out on a keychain because I didn’t know what Heidi Klum says to losing designers on her TV show.  I said, "If you’d asked me about Marlene Dietrich, I could have answered it!"  He repeated his challenge, and the gauntlet was thrown.  I actually did my impression of LISA doing an impersonation of Marlene Dietrich, but that, my friends, was good enough.  I am the proud possessor of a spankin’ new road atlas (with a list of every location of the Goethe Institut in Europe) that I dragged all around town with me yesterday.
The festival was a little disappointing, but besides the atlas I did get a voucher for free entry into the Cooper-Hewitt (still haven’t started my job!) this week, plus we watched a couple of interesting performances such as the Silk Road Project, a collaboration of eastern and western musicians.  Then we went to eat at my favorite restaurant in Chinatown, where they seated us family-style at a big table with a couple from Ann Arbor, since all the small tables were taken.  To make a long story short, we chatted politely and I gave them directions to Junior’s (in BROOKLYN), among other sites of interest.  Then this morning, I was on the L train and the exact same couple got on my train car!  I said, "Aren’t you the same people from the Chinese restaurant?"  They were amazed.  I chatted with them briefly about how their trip is going, before getting off the train at the next stop.  Who says New York isn’t a small world?

1. Neighbors (or, Why are people such shits?)
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My neighbors leave their puppy outside all the time, even at night.  My mom told me that this morning she rang their bell and told them that he was shivering out there…we suspect that they may have even left him out all night…IN A RAINSTORM.  Why are people such shits?  Can you imagine how much proverbial hell to pay there would be if anyone treated a child this way?  Oh yeah, you probably can, considering how many lousy parents make it into the news on a daily basis.
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2. Supermom (or, Why am I sometimes such a shit?)
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My mother has some super powers.  One is the amazing ability to take the most unflattering pictures possible.  The other is the uncanny timing of calling me on the phone when I am late for something and/or about to walk out the door.  Then I often speak a bit curtly to her, and when she asks me what I’m doing or how I am, I tell her, "running late."  The thing is, I know it’s completely irrational, but I feel myself actually getting annoyed as though she magically knew I was trying to get somewhere and called me anyway.  Similarly, when I’m in the middle of something and she phones me and asks questions, I have to make a point of reminding myself what it is NOT the same as if she were physically there, seeing me in the middle of something, and interuppting me intentionally.  The bottom line is that then I get annoyed at myself for being annoyed at her, but she always apologizes for calling at an inopportune time anyway.  I say, "That’s okay, I just need to go now," or "Why are you apologizing?  You didn’t know I was busy."  Yet I am still kicking myself for being such a little bastitch.
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3. Other neighbors [who are not shits (or, Adventures in Babysitting)]
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I was babysitting for my other neighbors last week, and helping their older son A. do his homework after he’d thrown quite a fit.  He had to describe a character from a book, but instead of listing attributes like "brave," "intelligent," "argues," etc., he was coming up with, "it’s a boy."  Finally, A. got the hang of the assignment, and the last descriptive word he came up with was "over-waited."  I said, "Over-waited?  Do you mean like he’s fat?"  The kid looks me in the eye, looks down at the rest of me, and says, "Over-waited.  Well, I could explain it more, but I don’t want to hurt your feelings."  I just about exploded internally with laughter- "Okay, that’s fine.  Don’t worry about it," I said.  I wasn’t offended, I just thought it was hilarious.  I should mention that A. is 11 years old, but learning disabled (largely in areas related to social interaction), and without a doubt truly intended to spare my feelings by saying this.  I had no idea to whom he might be comparing me, though I mentioned it to his mom today, and after her embarassed laughter and apologies, she said, "Well, both his teachers are little stick figures, so it was probably them."  The icing on the cake though was when we heard A.’s younger brother howling at the frozen computer down in the basement (which A. himself had been doing an hour earlier), and he coyly remarked to me, "You better go help [my brother]…That computer is always giving me crap."  Maybe you had to be there (or at least hear me recount it to you in his voice) but it was really hard not to laugh at this one too.  "Okay," I said, "no problem."
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4. No, I am not working yet (or, Yes, I am still putzing around, spending money I don’t have)
*

I still haven’t started work yet.  It’s basically due to paper-pushing in the hiring proces: never easy, but in this case part of the second-largest bureaucracy in the United States: the NYC Department of Education (second only to the federal government, or so I’ve been told).  I got my New York STATE certification months ago, but didn’t realize there was also a separate New York CITY license I was supposed to apply for.  Furthermore, I already went through the whole fingerprinting process, which was a pain in the ass (both to get there and do it, then to wait the 3 months it takes the state to review them) and also cost a total of $115 in postal money orders (not counting the fees you pay for purchasing them, plus the postage to send the prints for processing).  I freaked out a little bit last week when someone at my future place of employment called and said I needed to get fingerprinted, but to make a long story short, I was able to take care of the problem (without paying) by going to the NYC DOE personnel building downtown and filling out a form for New York STATE to release my fingerprints to New York CITY.  Sound exhausting?  Hardly…  Anyway, there’s nothing else I can do to expedite the process, and we can’t move forward with the hiring business until the fingerprints are all squared away: important in general for a new public employee, especially in working with minors, but above all at a prison.  So in other words, I still have a lot of free time that I’m not using particularly industriously, and also my first paycheck won’t come in time to help with my current credit card bill (though hopefully it will help make significant headway on next month’s ).
I’m still spending a lot of time on Flickr, for example.  I’m not really proud of how MUCH time, but on the other hand I’m getting a lot of cool stuff done.  For example, I finally finished editing and uploading my pics from Turkey, and added some more of my recent photos from walks around Brooklyn (though not openhousenewyork yet; will write about that next time).  And last night, I put together a small project based mainly on neat old photos unearthed at my grandmother’s house.
I run errands, but a lot of the time they seem to take longer than I expect.  On the other hand, I can’t complain, because if I were working I’d definitely have trouble finding time for these things.  Yesterday I went to a dress fitting for a wedding I’m attending next month, so that was kind of exciting.  I’m not much of a patient shopper, plus I didn’t like most of what I saw in the stores when I made an attempt, so I decided to get a made-to-order dress from a local designer.  It cost more than I originally wanted to spend, but I decided it was worth it to pay a little extra, but be sure to have something that looks good, fits properly, and can conceivably be worn to another formal event.  The next hurdle is shoes…I’m sure you’re all rivetted.
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5. Between the NYCDOE and Verizon, Kafka would be proud of me (or…actually, that’s all I’ve got for this one)
*

Then today, I went to the Verizon store for a problem with my phone.  I’ll spare the superfluous details, but suffice it to say that I was actually in there three times: once to bring in the phone and explain the problem, the second time about 45 minutes to an hour later to pick it up when they’d told me to return, and then the third time about 20 minutes or so later.  This last time I wound up having to stand there for what seemed like an eternity (probably about 30 or 40 minutes, though) as the tech support crew continued to wrestle with it.  They’d told me I’d have to come back again later, but I thought I had to wait and get my claim ticket back and an estimated timeframe…anyway it’s a good thing I stuck around, since they needed me to answer some questions anyway.  Long story short, I met a cool girl there who was on the line behind me, and we tried to figure out whether we had met before and how.  In the end, we probably don’t know each other, but might know some of the same people, and almost certainly some of the same KIND of people since I went to Oberlin and she went to Hampshire, and we currently live in the same neighborhood.  I always say I’m "Oberlin Girl Type #4."  The number doesn’t actually mean anything, it’s just a concept.
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6. Afterthought (or, A bit of an apology, if you are still reading this…)
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This post got extra-rambly, didn’t it?  Sorry about that.  This is the still-technically-unemployed, time-squandering, slightly over-waited, yet quasi-talented, soon-to-be-debt-free-and-fabulously-attired Oberlin Girl Type #4, SIGNING OFF.

It’s been rather an eventful week.  In terms of life’s minutiae, I bummed around Sheepshead Bay with L. (after seeing her apt. for the first time ever, though she’s been living there at least a year!), saw three films, finished a book, started a new one, teased my brother’s girlfriend about her eyepatch (she had minor surgery last week, but is fine now), helped my grandmother with a bunch of stuff, and finally put away all the photos from my CA trip last fall. 
More importantly (though many of you probably know this already), I got a job.  I haven’t started yet, which is why in theory I should be making good use of what little free time I have left.  I spent some quality time with friends, either in person or via phone; also, I reminded myself that I’m not a believer in grudges, and got back in touch with someone I hadn’t talked to since June (the grudge-like behavior dates to the past month or so, lest you think me someone who takes absurdly long to remind myself of these things).
I’m not really less nervous about having to grow up, buckle down, and all those other cliches, than I was last week.  However, I am definitely feeling a bit more confident about the skills and competency I’ll be bringing to my job, and weighing the perks and benefits against the forseeable drawbacks.  I already know two people who work there, and they have both been very supportive and reassuring.  Plus, I’ll be getting a ride to work in the mornings, which makes the early start-time slightly more manageable.
Although I sort of spent a lot of money celebrating this weekend, I decided to splurge a bit more today, via Bargain Tuesday at the Cobble Hill Cinema ($6/ticket).  I’ve tried to budget myself pretty strictly over this past month, and I don’t think my first paycheck will arrive in time to help with my current bills.  It’ll pack a serious wallop on next month’s credit card payment, though!  Anyway, I saw two movies today, and one last week too.  Without getting too deep into details, I just wanted to make a couple of recommendations:
I finally saw Little Miss Sunshine today, after getting tired of waiting for other people to schedule in a time to see it with me.  It was outstanding- possibly the best movie I’ve seen this year.  The acting was superb on the part of absolutely everyone involved…my brother says the story is "too formulaic" (despite the fact that he hasn’t seen it), but in my opinion, it’s just a quirky, charming, but believable story about a family that’s dysfunctional, but not hopeless.  I don’t like movies that are too depressing, because my job is basically to sit around and listen to people’s problems.  In real life, problems often have no obvious (or feasible) solution; this movie doesn’t pretend otherwise, but it gives you some perspective and shows that difficult times are surmountable.  I don’t want to spoil any of the excellent comedic elements, but if you like dark humor, you’ll probably find yourself cackling along with it as I did (in the luxury of an empty Brooklyn movie theater in the early afternoon, if you’re lucky).
I also saw The Science of Sleep.  My grandmother actually saw it last week and thought I’d love it, but then again, she’s sort of obsessed with Gael Garcia Bernal (the star).  This movie was written and directed by Michel Gondry, who made (among other things) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, which I loved.  I am not sorry that I saw this film, but I have to admit that I found it kind of disappointing.  I think that for the creator, it is a more personal film (he talked about this a lot in an interview on NPR), but that probably also made it difficult for him to be a little more objectively critical about it.  If you like surreal little movies, you’ll probably still want to check it out, but you may as well wait until it comes out on DVD.  On a personal note, the story actually made me kind of sad.  Again, I don’t want to inadvertently spoil it for anyone, but if you want to know why, just ask.
Lastly, I saw The Black Dahlia last week.  Ermm…my advice to you is, "Don’t."  Rent L.A. Confidential again if you’re in the mood for en Ellroy-penned neo-noir tale of 1940s Los Angeles’s seamy underbelly.  It had better direction, a better script, and most importantly, did not give the impression that scenes involving critical denouement must have wound up on the cutting room floor.  My grandmother often gets confused by very complicated plot twists, especially when people are mumbling and/or using slang…however, it’s pretty rare that I can walk out of a movie and still not be sure who killed whom and why.  Not that I see all that many murder mysteries, but my point is that this production was overblown without delivering the goods.  I’ve also read some criticism about certain roles being miscast, but that seems to be a matter of personal taste, whereas the plot holes are basically indisputable.  On a side note, speaking of casting, I recognized a certain actress whom I knew as a child playing a small role (I could make a stupid joke that it was a minor role, since her last name is Miner, but that would be corny…oops, I just did it anyway).
Long story short, here are my recommendations based on this week’s cinema extravaganza:

• Little Miss Sunshine- DO NOT MISS IT!
• The Science of Sleep- May as well rent it.
• The Black Dahlia- Skip it unless your preferred method of killing time is to be confused, but watch Josh Hartnett getting a lot of action.

So I guess that’s all for this long, rambling missive.  The bottom line seems to be that, now that I’ve been sort of pupating at home for even longer than I was away, things finally seem to be looking up.  Hopefully, they’ll just keep getting better, though goodness knows I don’t want to jinx myself.