I Pity The Fool

Tonight I had dinner with one person who can’t stop humming "Camptown Ladies," and another who knows what parallel lines are, but thinks that if you sharpen a colored pencil, it will turn black.  To be fair, they are 11 and 7 years old.  The 7-year-old was incredulous that I too know what "parallel" means, and dubious at best concerning my pencil-sharpening knowledge.  However, I finally convinced him of my skills, and he finished his homework.  Later I heard him screaming at a computer game in the basement…honestly, I feel like 7 is just too young to be developing a Type A personality.  He’s almost 8, but my point stands.
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So anyway…I just typed a whole long entry, then stupidly lost it by hitting the back button and…let’s not get into it.
Basically, I was updating you all on my exploits of the past few weeks.  Unfortunately, I’m too annoyed at myself to rewrite it all, so this will be brief.  Also, I’m losing patience because I have to listen to the most annoying TV channel I can think of, as my babysitting charges have another 20 minutes to go before bedtime.
I have been busy!  I recommend:

• a visit to the Brooklyn Museum (especially if you can see the Ron Mueck or Walton Ford exhibits while they’re still up)
• the film Volver
• people in Philadelphia with a dog named Pimpjuice (Pimpy for short)
• people in Boston with a Lhasa Apso (that’s the breed that looks like an ewok) who blends into a white shag rug
• Julie Taymor’s production of Die Zauberflöte at the Met
• arriving an hour early for a 10:00 Greyhound bus (as directed by eponymous website), and getting to leave on a 9:00 bus that leaves at 9:30- why not?
• Ron Sexsmith, the musical guest at a taping of Late Night with Conan O’Brien, which we attended on Jan. 9

I discourage:

• eating entirely too much chocolate (apparently, it’s possible)
• attending useless meetings (unavoidable, unfortunately)
• people who attend New Year’s Eve parties, drink too much in the first 15-20 minutes, and spend the next 3 hours hogging the bathroom
• excursions to American Girl Place, a superstore thronged with legions of frenzied little girls, clutching expensive toys that cannot be purchased online…with clusters of parents who appear bewildered, oblivious, over-indulgent, or just plain exhausted
• nudity at prison (it’s funny, but apparently the officers will make you
  sign an incident report that you witnessed it, if they know you’re
  around)
• fascination with Donald Trump (no matter how much you want to vicariously experience ridiculous wealth and absurd hairstyles) or dizzy young starlets like Meagan Good, both of whom were guests at the above-mentioned Conan taping

Well, that about covers it.  Sorry to be so terse, but I’m sure you’ll forgive me.  I’ve given you the chance to fill in the details with your imagination.