I Pity The Fool

My godfather died this morning.
I am SO glad that I went to visit him in the hospital again last week.  I just had this feeling that he might die and it could be the last time I’d see him.
I’m sad about it, but glad he didn’t have to keep on suffering a lot longer; they were about to put him in home hospice, but he was too sick to even be released from the hospital.    Originally, last week I was going to write a post about him called something like, "They’re making my godfather an offer he can’t refuse," but it seems stupid now.
He had been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis a long time ago, but was still functioning pretty well until late fall/early winter.  That’s when I found out that he had emphysema, and he began treatments at some point.  By mid-winter he was in and out of hospitals constantly, due to pneumonia and other complications.  I visited him a few times, and would have gone more often if I could coordinate it with my exhausted godmother.  I brought him flowers and pretty cards, to brighten up his confinement.  I shared pictures of my trip to Turkey last summer, so he could remember being outside, exploring exotic places, and the beautiful parts of his life.  Each time I saw him, he looked less and less like his former self.  Last week was the first time in my life that I ever saw him with no facial hair at all.  Also, he’s always been very slim, but by this point he was so emaciated that my godmother and I could easily pick him up to change his position in the hospital bed.  He spent much of the visit dozing or coughing, but I know he was happy to see me.  I wish I could have done more.
We have a pretty small family: I have only one biological aunt (no biological uncles) and one cousin, who is almost 11 years younger than I am.  For this reason, I think over the years, we’ve made connections with special people who have become like family to us.  You can’t choose who you’re genetically related to, but you can choose the people you really care about and spend time with them.  When they first got married, my parents lived in the same apartment building as Marty and Rosemarie.  Although no one in either one of our families is particularly religious, my parents chose to give me godparents, and I always called them Uncle and Aunt.  And when they had children, I truly saw the boys as my little cousins.  Although we didn’t really get to see them too often in recent years, Uncle Marty and Aunt Ro were always still special people to me.
I could stop here, especially since I had no intention of writing such a long post (the initial thought was to just write one or two sentences).  However, I’ll add a relevant anecdote, a wish, and perhaps a bit more.
When I was a little kid, I was one of those annoying products of the 1980s anti-smoking campaigns; in other words, I was emphatically anti-smoking and really preachy and obnoxious about it.  My dad was an ex-smoker, so I’m sure his vehement opposition to tobacco influenced me as well.  Uncle Marty was the closest smoker to me when I was young, and I gave him a really hard time about it…everything from a Far Side coffee mug of smoking dinosaurs (the caption is something like, "The real reason dinosaurs are extinct.") to actually hiding his cigarettes (the only time I ever saw him get angry).  As the years went by, Uncle Marty actually did quit at some point, and meanwhile I must have realized at some point what an insufferable little smartass I was.  Moreover, I tried smoking.  I’m not going to lie- the first illicit cigarette was menthol and entirely off-putting.  However, this did not stop me from later smoking a lot more…I would never call myself "a smoker" since I never bought myself a pack of cigarettes, but I definitely enjoyed smoking socially, especially in college or with certain friends.  I understand how it could be very addictive.
Then I started to be exposed to people I cared about, who were actually and literally dying of cancer.  More than once, I gave myself determined mandates to NEVER DO IT AGAIN…these would usually last a few months or so, until the next party or trip to Europe.  Hey, smoking is fun.  But now another person who’s very special to me has been taken away, and I feel like it’s time to be serious.  A few of my friends have quit smoking in recent years, but not every one of them.  I know there’s nothing I can (or even should, necessarily) say to convince anybody to stop.  But I wish you would.
if you are reading this, and you know I care about you, that will just have to do for now.  Please think about it.

Tonight I was babysitting my next door neighbors.  Their dad will be more than an hour late in getting home, and THIS after telling me (in front of them) they could watch TV the entire time.  You’d think this would let me relax (and admittedly, sometimes I sleep when they do this) but they play-fight the whole time…and play-fighting still leads to real-injuries…  Last time the little one got a bloody nose, this time the older one did.  Plus, the characters on their shows have the most annoying voices on earth.  At one point, the kids were fighting over the remote, and I threatened to take it away- when this failed to arrest their attention, I added, "and then I’ll change the channel to something BORING."  A very real threat.  It worked for a little while.
At least it only took them 10 minutes to get ready for bed this time, so that’s not bad.  I’ll be here again tomorrow night though.  Hooray!

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P.S. Don’t mistake me for a total curmudgeon- they made me laugh several times this evening with their wacky capers, though they didn’t drop any singular gems such as "Avoid me!" and "Sock Ninja!" on this go-around.  Then again, I refrained from calling them "Fart-Guy and Booger-Head" this time, so perhaps we’ve all grown up a little bit.

1. one last first

I forgot to add one other "first" to the previous post:

first time riding in a pedicab:

an interesting experience (necessary due to Susan’s bad knee) which will make you FEEL drunk even if you aren’t…the guy asked us some weird questions too…then I remembered that my cousin Aaron used to drive a pedicab in Phoenix, but I have no idea if he still does it (or if he even still lives there).
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2. this is your bunny on drugs

Actually, it’s not drugs, just a little too much vitamin D (and UV exposure) from being left on the table awhile in Phoenix.
So sad…
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3. The Battle of Wounded Knee
Some of you may recall a recent injury of mine!  When I got back from AZ last week, I had to go to the doctor and let him check on the progress of my healing.  I’m fine.  Anyway, the nurse said to me that she hoped I’d learned my lesson, not to make fun of people (interesting that she remembered the circumstances of my injury, when I’m sure she’s seen hundreds of patients since then!).  I said, "No, I just learned to look where I’m going when I’m doing it!"
Hey, it’s true.

So…I thought you might be curious to see the guy I was teasing (er, harassing) when it actually happened.  I actually have a picture of us together from Friday, at a birthday party for my friend A.  So now I can finally unveil the man who busted my knee…and broke my heart. ;) 
Oh, and I’m KIDDING on that last one- he’s 42 and on his second wife.  Ta-da!
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4. it’s getting hot in herrre
Imagine if that song was about global warming.  I’d be so impressed if Nelly had a social conscience.
But I digress.  The reason for this catchy little title was because I went to a protest yesterday against global warming and climate change: specifically, the effect of rising sea levels and corresponding environmental havoc.  The Sea of People rally, part of a campaign called Step It Up 2007, was an amazing event.  It was well attended and well-organized, plus just really fun.  I took lots of pictures of the action, which you can find here. A sample:

Basically, the idea was to form a literal sea of people, and march from the rally site up the east and west sides of Lower Manhattan.  Then we formed long lines where the new shoreline would be if water levels rise at the expected rates…and did the Wave!  It was a fun, peaceful protest, and let’s just say that the marching-in-lines aspect was well-suited to me and my sometime enochlophobia.  All in all, a really fun demonstration.  We had good weather too, despite the nor’easter that has been walloping my neck of the woods since around midnight.  I was hoping that the protest would get on the news, and that connections would be drawn between the "extreme weather" and global climate change, but I don’t know if that happened.
And now back to being a bit self-centered: please let this storm end before we all have to go to work tomorrow!

Hi everyone.  I’m back from the wonderful, warm, restful long weekend I spent in Arizona.  It was about 90-95 degrees every day, and down to the 60s at night.  Did I mention it was snowing at Newark Airport when I left, and then when I got back yesterday I had to take one of my wool coats back out of the closet?  Remind me why I came home again…
Well, one reason it was good to come home is because if I’d stayed there much longer, I’m sure I would have gained a ton of weight!  It turned out to be even more relaxing than I expected, largely because my friend Susan (who hosted me) has a serious, often incapacitating knee problem.  So we spent most of the time in the apartment cooking and eating, or lounging around the pool area.  Even if I’d felt capable of doing laps or some other type of physical activity, the pool was actually heated to the temperature of a warm bath…oddly enough, the hot tub heater broke sometime over the weekend, so THAT water got cold.  For some reason, I thought that by turning on the motor for the jets, it would pump hot water in there and warm it up…after five or ten minutes of exceeding unpleasantness, I gave up.  It’s difficult to describe the sensation of sitting in a cold jacuzzi, but I guess it’s sort of like getting stuck in a small whirlpool of a cold river. 
Anyway…although I spent much of the vacation eating ham and cake, I did manage to get in a couple of sightseeing activities.  Friday night, we attended the Phoenix First Friday ArtWalk.  On Saturday, my estimable collegemate Phil and his boyfriend brought me to the Desert Botanical Garden, and then to a fun dinner party full of Phil’s current classmates.  Apparently, when naturopathy students start drinking, they all give each other spinal adjustments!  Sunday was low-key: we had Easter brunch AND dinner.  Then on Monday, Susan and I visited the Heard Museum and walked around downtown Phoenix a bit, before I headed to the airport.
On the whole, this was largely a weekend of "firsts" for me.  As follows:
first time in Phoenix: a strange city, honestly…the "central" part of it reminded me of outer Los Angeles.
first time sitting next to a dog on a plane: this is fun as long as the dog is well-behaved…there was an empty seat and the dog chilled out there in its carrier bag, rather than underneath the row of seats in front of us.
first time getting a manicure and pedicure: Susan’s treat (and insistence)…I can think of at least two of my friends who will applaud her if they read this blog, for finally femming me and my fingernails out…I liked the pedicure part more, whereas the manicure actually led to cuticle trauma (the very phobia that had prevented me from getting a manicure all these years!).
first time wearing a bikini since age 7: while I didn’t lose any weight beforehand, I decided it was time to bite the bullet…admittedly, I started with a less-threatening "tankini" given to me by S. upon my arrival…more coverage that way.
first time getting a spinal/neck adjustment: a little scary (I swear I trust you, Phil), and one of the other student’s boyfriends said he would dial 911 on his cellphone, then hit "send" at any sound of snapping vertebrae…my head stayed on, though!
first time watching a Shirley Temple movie: after stuffing ourselves with Easter brunch, we changed into loungewear and put on the TV…as part of a "Shirley, It’s Easter" marathon, we caught Bright Eyes in its entirety…and against my expectations, I actually really enjoyed it!
first time watching The Sopranos: Susan and her brother are addicted; I must say, consistent with my expectations, I did not like it…sorry to all of you friends of mine who watch it, but at least now I gave it a chance!
So that about sums it up, in a nutshell.  I’m about to start uploading some pics: you can bask in the glory of desert fauna, holiday meal gluttony, and the afore-mentioned femmed-out nails.  I’ll keep you posted!

In 9.5 hours, I leave for Arizona!  By which I mean, I will leave my house, get on the F-train, transfer to the A train, and go to Penn Station…where I will catch the NJT to Newark Airport, and jump on the Airtrain…eventually arriving at my terminal, gate, and flight, which leaves at noon (4 hours after I leave my house).
It will be approximately 30 to 40 degrees warmer there (low to mid 90s; thank goodness no 100+ temps forecast for this week), and no rain in sight (unlike the gloom that kept me inside for most of today)!  To be honest, I’m sort of glad to not be going to some cultural mecca or exotic locale…A.Z. is wonderful, but Phoenix is supposedly one of the less interesting parts (i.e., there’s stuff to do, but no need to rush around).  Far from being a deterrent, I rather welcome the opportunity to go somewhere that forces me to relax, instead of feeling compelled to choose my top 10 of 20 enticing museums.  The change of scenery will no doubt do me good, and I’ll be visiting a couple of dear friends who will hopefully give me the adoration I crave (come on, it’s just for the weekend).
Let’s see…my schedule so far includes:

• Phoenix Art Walk (the first Friday of every month, lots of open galleries and free-flowing wine)
• Phoenix Botanic Gardens
• a delicious Easter brunch
• being the only woman in a fabulous gay club somewhere
• hopefully a ride in the sidecar of my friend Phil’s motorbike
• a whole lot of relaxing and beverages in/around the pool and hot tub in my friend’s apartment complex

In preparation for the water activities and high temperatures, I have shaved a surprising amount of hair from my body- guess that’s winter for you.  I have also packed two bathing suits: one is the same navy athletic one-piece I’ve brought on my last few vacations…the other is a bikini.  To be specific, this is the first bikini I’ve owned since I was about 7 years old.  I’m still not sure if I’ll feel comfortable wearing it…I bought it as a sort of inspiration to myself, to try to lose 10 lbs between January and summer.  So far, I haven’t really even tried, but I guess I feel like I should just go ahead and get over my anxiety, ready or not. 
Perhaps the seeds of the idea were planted last summer, when I appeared to be the only woman on the Adriatic Coast wearing a tank-suit.  My friend and traveling companion F. said he thought a two-piece would be more flattering on me.  And since I’d taught him what that means in English, I’m fairly certain he knew what he meant.  Moreover, I noticed plenty of people way um, more "voluptuous" than I am, waddling around in their bikinis just like Russians in Brighton Beach. 
So, long story short, cue the Diana Ross music, Phoenix.  Me and my bikini are comin’ out!