I Pity The Fool

Attention pharmaceutical manufacturers: stop discontinuing my favorite products!!!
Please.
First it was the acne spot treatment dots, those cute little stickers you put on an emerging zit overnight to make it all go away.  I noticed that the original ones (Pond’s, if I’m not mistaken) disappeared at a certain point, and then my backup brand (either Clean & Clear, or maybe Clearasil?) was gone too…vanishing as mysteriously as those blemishes would be the morning after.
Later, I noticed that other products were gone, such as Soft & Dri’s "Soft Scent" clear gel antiperspirant/deodorant.  Why?!?  Are there honestly more women out there who want their armpits to smell like baby powder and limeade, instead of the soothing and mild hint of "soft scent???"  In my travels, I’ve noticed that this variety actually does still exist in aerosol form, and supposedly "contains no CFCs which deplete the ozone layer," but I’ve never used an aerosol deodorant and I’m not sure I want to start.  Apparently, one can still purchase the clear gel online, but it starts to feel silly ordering $4 toiletries from across the country, with $6 shipping.  And on Amazon, it’s under "Used and New" but that’s just because it’s not actually sent to you by Amazon itself.
Lastly (just for purposes of illustration, since there are plenty more products I pine after), yesterday I learned definitively that Neutrogena Triple Moisture Active Soothing Conditioner is no longer carried by any of the chain drugstores in my neighborhood.  While I can’t assume it’s a conspiracy, I also can’t assume it’s a coincidence.  It saddens me that so many ridiculous products continue to appear year after year, while the sundries of my preference suddenly and inexplicably evanesce from the shelves.
Yesterday, after trekking to four different drugstores, I finally just broke down and bought a different conditioner, because hey- I really needed to wash my hair.  I will admit though, that I’m seriously considering ordering this one from Amazon.  They have a 3-pack of it for $17.45 and it’s even eligible for "FREE Super Saver Shipping" if I buy anything else that totals to an additional $7.55…you can even join a "Subscribe and Save" program that delivers the same product to your house at regular intervals, for those who are truly addicted (and who use up pints of conditioner, I guess).
I added it to my list of "Saved Items–To Buy Later."

I suppose Amazon is really tailor-made for ambivalent little bourgeois like me…

The curse may be broken…
So did you think I was done posting about birdshit?  As a matter of fact, last week my friend Angela and I were strolling along 5th Ave, when something hit her…hard.  To be precise, it was an avian anointment of monumental proportion, all over her hat, hair, and jacket.  Traumatized, she asked me to get it off her, but there was no way I could even begin to do so…  I recommended that we ask a shopowner to let her into the bathroom, but she was worried that might be embarassing.  More embarassing than walking around covered in excrement?  Finally, I walked into a bar and asked for bathroom privileges for her, and they immediately assented.
The point of this story is that there was actually a tremendous amount of birdshit in the vicinity, yet NONE OF IT GOT ON ME.  Is the curse finally broken?
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If it’s yellow, let it mellow…
I love the color yellow, but normally have to relegate it to decorating skills, or at best an extremely minor part of my wardrobe (accessories, etc.)…this is because it often makes me looks sallow and weird (same reason why I hardly wear gold jewelry, ever).  So imagine my delight when I found a lovely yellow shirt yesterday, for a mere $12.99 (Rainbow Shops- Angela’s recommendation for inexpensive shirts with collars that I can wear to work).  I wore it to work today, and the reviews indicate it’s quite becoming.  Hooray for me.
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Further adventures in babysitting…
I always mean to post funny stories about my neighbors’ kids, but I usually forget to do it.  Anyway, the other day I was putting the kids to bed, and the 11-year-old wanted a hug.  After I gave it to him, the 8-year-old said he wanted one too.  Somehow, I knew he was going to spit in my face (note: I’ve been told I should clarify that he did not actually SPIT in my face- it was a ZERBIT)…so I did the same thing back to him at exactly the same time!
I guess this either makes me the most awesome babysitter in the world, or the most disturbed…
(a little from column A, a little from column B?)
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The legend of the rent was way hard-core…
I have officially started the apartment hunt.  After receiving some unpleasant news regarding the scheduling and location requirements of my summer school work, I have also decided I’m 99% likely to purchase an automobile as well.  Between all the different responsibilites, time commitments, and expenditures looming ahead of me, I started to wig out a bit last week.  I knew I had to wait until at least this week to start looking for an apartment, because in my new neighborhood of choice, many locations are for immediate occupancy.  As the days passed, I realized I was increasingly stressing myself out, and decided that the best thing to do would be to eliminate variables as quickly and efficiently as possible.  To that end, I began the search.
I signed onto a website ($40!) with no-fee listings.  Of the approximately 7 calls I made, only 2 people answered, and both had already rented out their places.  One even tried to interest me in a 3-bedroom!  As if.  Anyway, to make a long story short, last night I decided that my sanity is worth shelling out a little extra for a broker fee.  This is something I had already expected, and more or less budgeted for, so it isn’t any kind of surprise.  I looked at some listings on craigslist and decided to call a broker named LIZ…hopefully a good omen.
My appointment is tomorrow.
Stay tuned…

After not blogging for quite some time, I seem to be exceptionally verbose this week!
So anyway, I’ve been thinking more about this whole bird shit thing.  Maybe I’ve been viewing it from the wrong perspective.  Could "good luck" merely mean the absence of bad luck?  It’s possible, I suppose, like a glass half-full/glass half-empty sort of thing.
So from that standpoint, I am reminded of all the incredible good luck I may have had.  Aside from the obvious (both my parents are still alive, I’ve never been homeless, no one I care about has ever been eaten by wild bears), there are life’s little blessings, and all I have to do to appreciate these are look around my workplace.  I’m not even just considering the fact that neither I nor anyone close to me have ever been incarcerated; I’m taking a look at the staff.  I am lucky, and not just because I have my own office and (due to its strategic location) I always know when the bathroom is free.  No, there’s more: unlike Ms. N., I didn’t get a flat tire in a rainstorm; unlike Ms. C., I’m not suffering from moderate paranoia.  I’m not suffering from pinkeye, a mindblowing toothache, a Pilates-related foot injury, or cancer.  I’ve never fallen down in the yard and had to decide whether to sue the Department of Corrections.  So, long story short, if the worst thing that’s happened to me lately are the annoyances of pointless phone calls, empty water coolers and spent rolls of toilet paper, I guess I should count myself pretty lucky.  I get to go home every day and be with my family, not to mention the fact that they give me free room and board (though that’s ending soon enough!).  And all this is just from comparing myself to the STAFF, let alone the students.
This is my longwinded way of expressing appreciation and gratitude, reminding myself of the things that ARE going right in my life.
So thanks to you, bird shit, for protecting me from all of those things…being as it’s equally plausible to me that you are responsible, vs. any of the numerous deities in which I do not believe.  Bird Shit or Higher Power?  I guess the closest thing to it in my case is the idea of karma or cosmic energy- I don’t totally believe it, but I don’t totally disbelieve.  So if what goes around comes around, I must be doing something sorta close to right in this world.
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Paris Hilton, therefore, is working off some bad karma.
Mmm, staph.
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Check out the bigger picture, from a unique viewpoint- sometimes you’re the bug, sometimes you’re the windshield…

A bird pooped on me again today.  This happens to me more than anyone else I know…put together, in fact.
It has happened to me in other states.
It has happened to me in other nations.
If you’re Jewish, people will tell you it’s good luck for a bird to poop on you.  I think they tell you this to distract you from the fact that a bird just pooped on you.
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I got home at 4:50 AM from a certain high school reunion and after-party.  I was starving, so I ate some leftover pizza…then I felt the urgent need for a quick shower.  By the time I fell into bed, it was about 5:30, the sun was coming up, and the birds were chirping…so I shut the window and tied a black scarf around my eyes.  Despite these measures, I still woke up around 9:40 and couldn’t get back to sleep.  In other words, this is about as pithy as I get.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, I decided not to attend the general reunion today, and not just because it was slated to start at 9:30 AM.  Instead, Jackie and I wound up going out to eat, hanging around the park, and then going to the movies to see Knocked Up.  The Pavilion is currently scalping moviegoers for $11 a head, I went in for it after basically being hyped up for at least a week or two by all the press (NYT, Onion A.V. Club, amusing commercials, Jackie’s obsession), plus the fact that it stars several actors from a TV show we got into last year (Freaks and Geeks, yes I know it came out a million years ago).  Anyway, for my money, this movie was pretty much worth it.  And the childbirth shots were not nearly as gross as I’d imagined.
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It’s Sunday.
I guess that’s it.

In reference to said after-effects of afore-mentioned tequila in previous post:
Did I mention that I spilled a glass of water?  Not that I suffer from an excess of grace and elegance to begin with, but it is important to note that I spilled a glass of water…mostly into my own shoe…while I was sitting at the table.
That’s it.
Why I have this drive to expunge my embarassing peccadilloes and foibles on the internet, I can’t tell you, other than perhaps to have to opportunity to use words like peccadilloes and foibles.
-Signing off.
(Unless I think of something better to report)

Good news: I had pizza tonight for the first time since before my most recent gastrointestinal ailment.  So far so good.
Also, I seem to be over my tequila-related issues of days gone by.  I can tell you this because I had two margaritas this afternoon (regular ones, as opposed to the frozen, sugar-filled variety) and so far so good on this also.
However, note to self: do not do this again (especially not on an empty stomach) before going to dinner with parents.  It makes it that much more difficult to follow their line of conversation, which tends to be a bit esoteric to begin with…