Archive for November, 2007

This is Me in a Nutshell

Saturday, November 10th, 2007

(Help, I’m in a nutshell!  How did I get into this nutshell?  What sort of shell has a nut like this?!?)

My score on The 3 Variable Funny Test:

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    the Wit
    ((61% dark, 34% spontaneous, 15% vulgar))

your humor style: CLEAN | COMPLEX | DARK

You like things edgy, subtle, and smart. I guess that means you’re probably an intellectual, but don’t take that to mean pretentious. You realize ‘dumb’ can be witty–after all isn’t that the Simpsons’ philosophy?–but  rudeness for its own sake, ‘gross-out’ humor and most other things found in a fraternity leave you totally flat. I  guess you just have a more cerebral approach than most. You have the perfect mindset for a joke writer or staff  writer.Your sense of humor takes the most thought to appreciate, but it’s also the best, in my opinion.

You probably loved the Office. If you don’t know what I’m
talking about, check it out here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/theoffice/.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Jon Stewart - Woody Allen - Ricky Gervais

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Take it!
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/17565214125862764376/3-Variable-Funny

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Well, if that’s not me, I don’t know what is.

Smells Like Caulk In Here.

Thursday, November 8th, 2007

Sorry, I couldn’t resist.  It *does* smell like caulk in here but that’s only funny when you say it out loud.
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Did I mention that it never rains, but it pours?
In other news, does anyone remember how concerned I was about notifying the NYC Board of Elections of my change of address, to make sure my voter registration would be switched?  I did that about two months ago, but then when I didn’t hear back from them, I also made a point of changing it on the optional "voter registration" section of the driver’s license renewal form last month at the DMV.  A week or so before Election Day, I got a notice in the mail that I can now vote at P.S. 85 on 31st Street (about 4 blocks from my new digs).  Incidentally, I actually didn’t vote this week (first time since my first year of college, when I didn’t get an Absentee Ballot in the mail)…there were no major contests this year, and I don’t know anything about the local Queens elections…just wanted to be sure to vote in the upcoming presidential primary.  But I digress.
The part of the story that is even remotely amusing is that tonight (two days after Election Day), I came home to five (yes, FIVE!) copies of my Board of Elections Transfer Notice.  So now, do I get to vote five or six times?
What if I could prove that I’m five or six times smarter than the average voter…? ;)
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The Squeaky Wheel Gets the Grease
Sometimes the squeaky wheel actually does get the grease.  I called up Time Warner yesterday because there was distortion in my sound and picture.  A coworker later noted the distinct possibility that this was related to my window replacement…however, this was not mentioned in my customer service call.  "Amanda" (who said she has indeed been working for TWC for awhile..upon probing, 3 months) instructed me to reboot the system…i.e., again, since I’d just done this.  But then, she voluntarily gave me a month’s worth of my choice of premium channel…for free!  I chose The Movie Channel-On Demand…while I haven’t had much time for TV in the past month or three, I guess even if I get to watch one free film that I might be embarrassed to rent in public, it’s a boon.
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It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas!
They put up the street decorations on the day after (or even possibly the night of) Halloween.  The shops were already putting out the holiday paraphernalia weeks ago…even the former Tower Records on Broadway and 4th is a temporary Toys’R'Us for Christmas.
Incidentally, I’m quite looking forward to seeing lovely holiday displays in the UK this December…and almost equally as excited to see if they will be kitschy, the more ridiculous the better.
But once again, I digress.
I wanted to share an anecdote about another one of my students.  In one breath, he told me that he is concerned about impressing his girlfriend’s parents (she is in college, he is in JAIL)…then not five minutes later, he’s describing his "right hand mans" to me as essentially a remorseless sociopath, who one time picked a discarded Christmas tree up off the street TO BEAT SOMEONE WITH IT.  My student appeared to see nothing especially wrong with this story.  It reminded me a bit of that portion of "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn" (truthfully, the only portion of that book that I’ve ever actually read) in which the protagonist and her little brother want to get a Christmas tree at the last minute.  Poor kids could get one for free on Christmas Eve, if they were able to remain standing while the vendor chucks it at them.  Except in the jail version of the story, there wasn’t anything that could be considered a happy ending.
And speaking of my favorite holidays…
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I’m with Rick James, bitches!
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For Halloween this year, I succeeded once again in constructing a costume using only clothes and makeup that I already owned (cf. zombie camp counselor, ‘06).  I was supposed to be Meg White from t
he White Stripes.  However, a fair number of my older associates (and people on the train) are not familiar with such things…so I told them, "I could also be a candy cane."
One or two people suggested that I might be a barber pole…and, judging by their facial expressions upon passing by me on the street, the good people of Astoria, Queens appeared to take me for a Satan-worshipper.  By the way, I am completely aware of the fact that I look nothing like Meg White…with or without the facepaint.  But hey, that’s what Halloween is all about, right?

I Make No Bones About It

Monday, November 5th, 2007

(alternate title: I Have a Bone to Pick with You)

I’m eating leftover fish, from Saturday dinner out with my parents at a local restaurant where I could not otherwise have afforded to eat.  Can I just say how glad I am to NOT have found the part with bones still in it while I was there?  Although I’m aware that it’s in incredibly poor taste to sit at the table with a disturbed facial expression, methodically parsing out the tiny bones inside my mouth, carefully pulling them out, and leaving them on the side of the plate…and although I know that many people eat little bones (hey, it’s calcium!) and do not die…I am thus far mentally incapable of letting them go down.  Of course, I would be embarrassed if people saw me doing this at a restaurant…though I’m clearly not too embarrassed to tell all of you.